The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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