My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
