if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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