Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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