Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
