After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
