My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
