Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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