Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
