i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
