end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
