Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
