who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
