I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
