So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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