Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
