i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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