..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
