I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's get the cat blown out
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
