I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
...so i touched it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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