i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
