The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So vagazzling was a success
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
