He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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