Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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