I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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