I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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