it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
