its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
