I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
