Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
