I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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