so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
