I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
