Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
false alarm. still invincible.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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