Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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