This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
