Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
