is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
