Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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