I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
