so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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