I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
