he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
