cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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