Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize