its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
