No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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