he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
