Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
