I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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