I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
