You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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