I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We have so much sex to catch up on
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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