When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
