I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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