he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
