Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
