when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
