Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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