my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
