I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
