I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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