The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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