So drunk its hurt
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bring me that man meat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
why is half of my head shaved?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
