Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
