The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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