Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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