I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
