No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
