The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
