but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
All I want is dick and wine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
